Rasa macam lama menulis di sini. Ini kira first time aku menulis waktu siang, matahari tegak atas kepala. Sambil tunggu start kelas Deutsch, aku nak kongsikan apa yang dah berlaku kat aku sepanjang minggu lepas.
I was overlooking my definition of happiness. Always.
Teruskan BacaanGlück
I was having a pretty bad week the last week.
Sepatutnya minggu lepas dan minggu ni dah masuk study week, tapi aku tak dapat study. Rasa serabut sangat. Something happened and I didn't get out from my room for a week and just drink for a whole week. Kalau nasib baik, aku minta adik punya makanan.
Puncak kecelaruan emosi ialah pada malam jumaat tu. Lepas handling kelas Sains Spm online dengan member.
Haah, member datangkan memori aku berkenaan 'dia'. :)))
Aku tak boleh nak salahkan dia. Tapi, entah--
Member aku pun tahu yang it will hurt me.
And I can't sleep the whole night. Welp, i actually didnt sleep for the whole week last week, hmm?
Aku susah betul nak lepaskan orang yang aku sayang, haha. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa Allah izinkan dia untuk masuk dalam hidup aku sedangkan Dia tahu yang aku akan jadi macam ni. Takdir Dia, penuh rahsia. Nak aku belajar sendiri. Penat, ye penat.
Yet I still miss ihn and it hurts me seeing him with another woman. Dengan serabutnya, dengan missing ihn nya. Right after I got the message about ihn with another woman, I went out from my house and strolling around neighbourhood at 3:00am alone. Crying while walking thinking why am I like that.
Tak cukup jalan-jalan.. Macam biasa bila sedih, nanti ada those tragic memories would come by themselves making me suicidal and slowly lost my conciousness that night.
I couldn't stand my s*****al as I almost swallow all pils in the refi. Itu yang sampai perlu ws semua orang hampir jam 4. Aku nak bantuan.. Yeah I know I should do something. But in unconciousness state of me-- I can't think anything but to stop everything by not living anymore, please.
I'm so glad as my twin hadn't aslept yet. He sent her to save my live. Thanks, Ya Rabb.
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I'm still in my healing process. —from several heartbreaks. And in my healing process, I have something to share about what I've learnt so far.
Lepas kenal dengan housemate baru, then baru aku sedar semua ni..
Yang aku terlalu tenggelamkan diri dalam dunia maya—di mana sesiapa sahaja boleh menjadi sesiapa sahaja kecuali diri sendiri.
Yes, I want him. But did he want me? No.
Someone said this to me,
"If a man likes you, you will know it. It he doesn't like you, you will confuse."
That's it.
Despite of me being silly because I never fell for someone, I feel relief because now I've found many answers I need.
Allah send me great people as I enter this college to teach me what is life was about and what answers I've been looking for.
Perlahan-lahan mata aku, Allah buka untuk lihat lagi sekali dunia—untuk lahir semula ke dunia. Ain't it beautiful?
Banyak peluang Allah bagi, kita je yang lupa bersyukur dengan nikmat.
And that's what I said I should have stopped wondering around social media to make someone ungenuine to be my friend.
And of course it's my fault. To let myself drown in my own fantasy, lol.
Masuk ni dah dalam 3 kali sui***al sebab dia je. Why can't I see he's definitely not for me?
Wow, at this point I really think I am stupid. Ingatkan masa test Mech. tadi dah cukup terasa rasa kurang cerdiknya.
Allahu musta'ān. Moga Allah kurniakan rasa sabar, syukur, dan kebaikan kepada kita semua. Allāhumma āmīn.
